Impossible to predict the future.

Last post I told of a little girl that we had locked her file in. Well we found out later after doing so that there would be much more medical treatment involved than what we orginially knew. The agency recommends that you get an International Adoption Doctor's opinion before you accept the referral/lock in the file, which we did. It's frustrating because we pay these medical experts their expert opinions, but no one gave us the nuts & bolts of this child's SN. After doing some more research online Sunday after we locked her file in on Friday, things started sinking in for me. I had done what research I could before we even went to see the doctor, but for some reason I wasn't finding much info. Then Sunday night I found many other things to read. And then I became scared and sad. I had already become so attached to this little girl's picture, her story etc. What would we do? We have to think about our Whole family and what the situation could mean for all of us. So then Monday I made a couple of calls and found out also that there are no doctors in our town that handle VP shunts in children. In fact I am not sure if they even handle them in adults. All treatment has to be done in IA City. Ok so then a call to Maury, oh my gosh what have we done? Well we had to request her file to be released, and then we have to write a letter to the CCAA telling them why. Oh boy, I hope this doesn't screw things up. I already felt so bad, that I was on the verge of crying all day, trying to hold it back while I was I work. I really wanted to adopt this little girl, but knew her SN could be much more than we could manage. I pray that she finds a family with the access to the health care she might need. That's the thing too, in the end she might not have needed that much care except for a checkup every 6 months to a year. But it would be impossible for anyone to know. Impossible to predict the future.
We made a mistake by locking her file in, I am hoping that the CCAA is not too mad at us. At least it had only been a couple of days, not weeks or months that the child's file was not available to be locked in by another family.
So for now we wait to be matched again. Hopefully next time will be easier.